| Ramblings from a lush. |
[17 Aug 2009|09:58am] |
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Give ya 3 guesses. |
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A term got applied to me this weekend I didn't necessarily like. Not because it was hurtful, and it was, but because it was accurate. I have turned into a binge drinker.
However, this taught me a few valuable lessons. Unfortunately, the lessons also tasted like vomit. Strange I know.
First off, I know that the breaking up was best for her, and myself. And that she will grow more apart from me, as I will away from her. It's truly sad we cannot grow together, but the damage had been done already. We had to give it another shot for love, and its good we did.
Secondly, this isn't a contest. I went into it saying, "fucking bitch, I gotta show her I was the more desirable person in that relationship, and she was dumb for pissing me away" and "I am gonna go hook up with girls much hotter than her" when in reality, its not a contest. Its not a "im better than you, ill prove it now" its a "Well, we drifted. and I wont lie, I still love you, but I understand we cant be together." I am not here to prove anything to anyone else, just myself. And I will still support her in her quest for being a fire medic.
Thirdly, Why hate? She gave me some great times, and some really valuable lessons learned. I shouldn't hate her for something that I had 50% fault in (realistically, I am like 80% at fault, but still)
I am happy today. I am sad I lost her, very sad. But I am happy for what I had, and look forward to my future. Maybe our paths will cross again, maybe not. Either way really, it was fun.
Jessica Katherine Foster: Know that I love you, and I dont hate you for this choice. I am always still just a phonecall or a text away. Everlong.
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[08 Jul 2009|09:44pm] |
Matt
Mike
Morgan
Scott
Mandy
So far are the worthless tools I work with. Kellan and Cody are very over zealous braggers who can't seem to get me any results that shows they are in fact as great as they say.
My big push is 4 days away, its gonna be sink or swim at that point.
"because when I arrive, I, I bring the fire."
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[20 Jun 2009|07:07am] |
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Is anyone out there awake? I'd love to talk to someone. I leave for the airport in 3 hours and I'm rather confused and lonely. If no ones up, then good night world. Ill be here in the morning.
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[06 Jun 2009|01:20pm] |
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Me: "I need more hours"
Mandy: "I need you to work the hours you are scheduled before we talk about more hours"
Me: "Uh...i'm rarely late, and have called in like once in the last 6 months"
Mandy: "well I need you to work the hours you're scheduled first"
only problem with that is, I can be on time 100% of the time. Never call in, and pick up whatever extra the ask me to cover, and ill still be "not working what im scheduled".
I'm fucking doomed to very few hours, I cant live on 18 hours a fucking week. And Tanner is late every single day, and gets 37.5 a week, fml.
I need this promotion, or im takin my A+ certification and going fucking elsewhere. This shit is retarded.
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[03 Jun 2009|07:34pm] |
So I sold my qx6850 processor, it sold higher than expected on ebay, ended at 300. Meaning my new intel retailedge upgrade (an i7 920, new mobo, and a free upgrade to 64 bit windows 7) would be free. in fact, i'd bank 10 bucks, money.
However, the buyer is in mexico, which raises 1 problem so far: it getting stolen before reaching him.
But a new problem has arisen, he has put off paying me until tomorrow, which im very wary about, since he is international and has 4 feedback.
Please, oh please Mr. E-bay God, don't let me get dicked.
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[27 May 2009|08:43pm] |
so...much...shit...to do...argh!
remind me again why the fuck I ran?
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[03 May 2009|02:36am] |
Fuck
annnnnnnnd
You.
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| I love chat rooms |
[22 Apr 2009|12:31pm] |
<Corynne> Gosh its quiet...
<Flibberdy> it's silent in my office too, which is a bit creepy. must be the time of year
<Poiesis> don't eerie silences usually precede a zombie apocalypse?
<Poiesis> or am I thinking of hurricanes
<Poiesis> I get the two confused a lot
<snark> no, you are thinking of awkward silences
<Poiesis> ohhh
<Poiesis> right.
<snark> the zombies are all "Must break silence. Brains?"
<Poiesis> so next time I'm on a date and there's a silence in danger of becoming awkward, I should politely ask to consume their cerebellum?
<uberbacon> or run for your life, screaming "HURRICANE"
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| In typical FML style... |
[21 Apr 2009|05:59pm] |
Today, I stopped by work wearing a nice shirt, jeans (rare for me) and my Fedora. I thought I was lookin pretty good, every single person at work laughed at me. Sarah said, "Hrm. I never realized how much of a gorilla you are" to which Tiffany said "yeah, you probably shouldn't wear a non collared shirt until you wax your back." Mandy laughed at the hat, a lot, then took it off me and said "oh jesus, I cant decide which is worse" FML.
Stupid hat. I thought I was cool. Teach me to ever go outside again.
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[16 Apr 2009|02:01am] |
so my buddy Q is having a party at his house...a week from friday.
I'm putting together a playlist.
Any input ? Its going to be a college style party, drinking, etc.
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[07 Apr 2009|11:24pm] |
anyone wanna go get drinks or food? I cant sleep and I could use a friend.
text or call me...
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[07 Apr 2009|03:00pm] |
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25 days until my handguns and alcohol party!
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| update |
[02 Apr 2009|11:41pm] |
im fuckin boned.
that is all.
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[13 Mar 2009|12:50am] |
2 am and I am still fucking livid.
God damnit.
I need Mark I think.
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[05 Mar 2009|03:38am] |
3 am and I can't sleep. So lame. Oh well, tomorrow morning I leave for montana. Should be entertaining. I should be building swords right now, or doing laundry, or packing. Yet here I am, online, blogging, while laying in bed.
Sad.
Tomorrow I gotta go to the bank, go to my new insurance agent, clean, do laundry, pack, make a new goon shield cover, sew frogs on my collared tunic, build swords, get shit square with Cruz about weaponmaster/dragonmaster, and go shopping for more socks and underwear. On top of that all, I work tomorrow, and am gonna try to go in 2 hours early.
I should be asleep! But no dice.
Fuck this. Gotta make sure to text Denise today and make sure they will bring up the swords and my gloves I left in kents car. And ask Jody to bring the bundle of shafts I left in his apartment. Seems my box hasn't arrived yet.fuckers. And they want me to teach some little basic class. I'm not exactly good but whatever I can try.
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[23 Feb 2009|09:26pm] |
I'm terrified. Tomorrow is a huge day. Very.
I hope she goes with but I don't expect it. Good night lj, tomorrow will be here sooner than I hope.
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[21 Feb 2009|11:22pm] |
Cigars and scotch.
Friends who rock.
A beautiful night.
A text from the magnificant Lauren.
And 6 posts in 5 days? Wow.
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[13 Feb 2009|10:46pm] |
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I wrote a list of things I have to say to her. I guess it'll wait till monday?
I'm laying in bed shaking right now.
Cruz convinced me earlier to go hang out tomorrow and be social with him and have fun. He promised he had lots of shit for us to do to distract us.
Texts me tonight tellin me he got a date.
I texted a bunch of random people hoping anyone is awake to keep me some kind of company, at least till I calm down a bit.
No dice.
To the one person who will understand this on the level I do: "happy saint valentines day massacre".
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[13 Feb 2009|09:33pm] |
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mood |
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revelations...
they can help give insight, they can help one understand, help one grow. The one I just had? hurt. Bad.
But in a good way. A way I understood.
I understand so much more now, and I have a much bigger scope of things. It hit me like a fucking freight train, but I know what to do. Just like my never ending definition of honor, my future is being shaped daily.
I need to see her. Say a few things for myself. I think it'll give us both the peace we might be hunting for. If nothing else, the peace im hunting for.
I sit here, sad, alone, broken (no, physically this time. Pretty sure my finger got fractured the other night by a horrible blackberry+finger incident), but with an understanding.
A, hopefully, true revelation.
Now, heres to hoping she will listen to me/call me back.
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